I’m Slowly Learning That I Don’t Have to React to Everything That Bothers Me
It can be hard to let the things that other people do to you slide especially when it seems as if you have become target practice for them to learn how to treat other people badly. Most times you are tempted to lay a trap for them to fall into so that you can wreak your vengeance on them. Other times, you just want to say hurtful things to them so that they can feel the way you do because it is beginning to seem like your silence or deliberate ignorance of the payback rules makes you seem like too much a coward. So you lash back once, and it feels good. Now the kitten has grown into its inner tiger. It makes you feel stronger and more in charge. Paying them back for hurting you does make you feel powerful, and soon you don’t even think about it before you lash out at your tormentors giving them a taste of their medicine. The truth is that while it might feel empowering and strong at first, soon enough you get tired of always paying back but you are also tired of being walked upon besides it does feel good to put them in their place.
It may take quite a while for you to finally come to arrive where I have arrived at, and it is that you really must not lash out at everyone who hurts you. You are a human being with the same reflexes and feelings like other human beings, and when something has become second nature to you, changing can be really difficult especially when it comes to vengeance. It is very hard to walk away from the urge to make someone pay for hurting you than it is to actually make them pay and our ability to turn away from the easier choice is a testament to our characters and our level of maturity.
Being the better person starts with one incident. When you say no to the urge to hurt someone as much as they hurt you even once, you will discover that filling your mind with negative thoughts full of anger and revenge takes up all the space in your mind for good and positive thoughts. Keeping this in mind, you would find it very easy to live life for yourself instead of living it for other people and trying to please them at the cost of your own happiness. Get yourself a paper and write down all the things you want to do for yourself and then proceed to do it. Live to please yourself.
Peace is a costly commodity yet cannot be bought. It is perhaps the best feeling in the world. After a while, you would come to realize that having peace is so much more important than feeling enthusiastic and happy. Having everlasting peace all the time breeds its own brand of happiness, enthusiasm, excitement, and satisfaction. One that is rare to find and when you have peace within you, it does not matter who is at war with you outside, you just simply remain in an insulated peaceful bubble on your own. Separated from anything that would destroy your peace. Having peace is simply the ability to understand and acknowledge the numerous little positive things that surround you, and when you do that, you are sure to become almost oblivious to any cloud or negative thought in your head.
Sometimes it takes time to realize that human beings frequently have opportunities to choose between drama and peacefulness, but they opt for drama before they even realize it isn’t necessary. Once undesirable situations and sensations like these are commonly avoided, other things like fights and arguments seem to materialize far less frequently, and with much less ferocity. In time, any human being can glean a new understanding of the notion that the loudest sound of all is the sound of words unspoken, and that not saying anything usually says more than articulating anything ever could.
This one thing does take people a very long time to discover. Too long if you ask me. People wield a sort of power over other people through their words, actions and thoughts. You have the power to tear someone down and the power to build them up again. What you choose to do with that power is in your hands. But always know that with each word you say; action you take; and thought that crosses your mind, someone is being torn down or built back up. When it comes to you, you have to accept that you can only control your own thoughts, actions and words and not those of other people. The only power you have is that of deciding what to do when people attack you. Do you lash back or do you contain and control your anger opting instead to be the bigger person. If you can, then that is all that you need to be okay with yourself. Besides that, constantly choosing to pay attention to your thoughts and improving yourself from the inside would better equip you to understand the things that happen around you better than before.
Being the bigger person is a hard decision to make and a difficult process to learn. There are days that you would get so mad that you forget to exercise your patience and lash out at the person who offends you but which each conscious decision to work on yourself and to curb your basic human nature to lash out at anyone or anything that hurts you. You will get better and better at focusing on your inner peace and at being the better person you seek to be. Always be the one to choose peace over revenge. Remember to always screen your thoughts, actions, and words to avoid being the one that would tear a person down. Just keep on improving at paying attention to your peace and one day, you would achieve the ideal peaceful happiness and satisfaction.
Image source: Matheus Ferrero